"Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul." St. Augustine
As I sit here pondering in my wee 'tidy' student room up in J'town, I just had the cheeky urge to write up a wee blog amongst my greeeat flat mates studying the bit out..
Jesus is more than enough when i flip through my prayer journal. It is so evident that God answers prayer as I glance towards the scribbles and colouring of the desires of my heart. My rambling words of confusion we're easy to solve for Him..He already knew what was weighing on my mind. He already knew my failures. He knew my hopes. My dreams. Jesus, my love is yours, so I live to seek to glorify you. So what have I been thinking about lately?! I guess lately over the past few months from the summer time, it's been a real learning curve for me. I will not pretend that I am perfect. I am consumed with idolising appearance. I regularly place appearance before my King. I can't describe how much this struggle has impacted me. And I thank God for this. Because of this, I am losing my identity in Christ:) I am always struggling with my own selfishness and insecurities, but I am completely in awe of His love for me. He sets my heart on fire, and makes my eyes dance..I rejoice in His name..and getting to know him as a father been amazing since leaving school and becoming a student. The world has brainwashed me into striving for beauty. I'm very glad that when the things of this world didn't add up to me, it only struck me that I wasn't made for this world, but the kingdom of God.
Treasuring and following Jesus is the answer. We can find true and lasting JOY through and with Him. He is continually whispering to my weighed down shoulders that He is sufficient. I may not feel beautiful, but as God gradually strips away the hard shelter of my heart, and transforms me with His grace, I cannot help but glow with simple love. Proverbs 31 represents that she 'is worth far more than rubies' when she is a woman of strong character, great wisdom, and great compassion. This is a result of her fear and reverance of God. She is a girl of integrity, and she is comletely and utterly beautiful. Why? because of her Jesus.
Song of Solomon 4:7:"You are altogether beautiful my darling; there is absolutely no flaw in you.' I guess I've just realised that I want to be set apart in complete devotion to my God. His hand has been guiding along the way, for a girl that radiates the love of Jesus is more precious than jewels. She is more beautiful than the beach. His thoughts towards me are as countless as the grains of sand...and that blows my mind.
For I hope in you alone. Your goodness and blessings towards me are plentiful. Annie Stockdale is an example of courage to me. That makes her beautiful. Sarah Gilkinson is seeking Him more and more..I love listening to her talk..she is an example of strength. Rachel Jhonston is kind..she has time to listen to me talk and talk and talk, haha..she takes the time. Joanna Irons has a heart for Hong Kong..the stories of her hope in Him alone humble me. Laura Gordon is caring...she radiates the love of Jesus because she expresses joy in following Him. These girls are beautiful. I wish I could write about all the girls I know..they are pretty amazing! I wish I could write about all the people I know..they are courageous. God is in control of each life..'my only hope is in your unfailing love and faithfulness' psalm 40:11. That hands that hold the world are holding these girls' hearts.
I don't want Him to be number one, I want Him to be my everything. As I live to know and love Him more, I surrender my pride and hurt to Him, as he breaks my heart into shattered pieces of grace. He lets me rest in His presence and catch a glimpse of what it means to be truly beautiful..:)
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Farewell to 2011..
"God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measure our lives by how we love. He measures our lives by how we follow Him." Francis Chan, Crazy Love:Overwhelmed by a relentless God.
His name is stronger and more significant than any other name. I owe everything to Him as I reflect on a beautiful 2011..and where do I start?! words cannot express my gratitude and His simple faithfulness towards me. I am always struggling with my own selfishness and insecurities, but I am overwhelmed by His never ending love towards me. I have seen His name become great among the nations. His name is a strong and mighty tower. I have seen His name become great in my own heart. He never fails. He stays the same. I have one loving Father that has been directing every step of my walk along the road. I want to know Jesus more this year..to catch a glimpse of the real Jesus working in my hard heart has been amazing..it is for sure that the season of change into the new year is an exciting time for us all. To know you is to want to know you more..Casting Crowns.:)
"Maybe you we're made Queen for such a time as this" Esther 4:14. I LOVE this verse. Esther became a woman with a courgeous heart, full of courage, compassion and beauty. Esther sought to be like her Jesus. And this is what I want to do this year. 2011 broke my heart in so many different ways. I'm still seeking to love like Jesus did, to care like he did, to be the friend that He was and still is. I love the fact that I'm seeing and learning about the girl that Jesus wants me to be. I'm still seeking to have His love radiate out of my heart..and only the love of Jesus becoming real in my life can make me truly beautiful. Beauty is knowing Him and loving Him with all our heart, soul and strength. "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all..a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31..what a babe!
God has never ceased to test me in 2011. He has never ceased to strengthen me. Fail me. Amaze me. Love me. And He's never failed to just accept me for who I am. Though I often lost sight of His everlasting arms throughout the hard times, He was there always. He was gently whispering to me to come home running. Jesus was the only answer. He alone can fulfill and satisfy the desires of my heart. I have absolutely loved every minute of university. I have loved the new friendships, the place, Belfast, the banter and the people. But I have found my class hard. My friend once told me that if "God brings you to it, He will bring you through it." Yes, I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and holds my hand. God had every tiny step in upper sixth planned and pathed out perfectly for me. What it really means is just to give everything to the King. Just lay it all down at the foot of the cross. What a King. He is good, and he is all knowing. What a friend :)
Thanks you for being who you are Jesus. Thank you for being Lord of my life. Thank you for another year of getting to know the real YOU. Thank you for being high and lifted up in my heart, in my life and in my walk. Thank you for that great price you paid. Go before us in 2012.
His name is stronger and more significant than any other name. I owe everything to Him as I reflect on a beautiful 2011..and where do I start?! words cannot express my gratitude and His simple faithfulness towards me. I am always struggling with my own selfishness and insecurities, but I am overwhelmed by His never ending love towards me. I have seen His name become great among the nations. His name is a strong and mighty tower. I have seen His name become great in my own heart. He never fails. He stays the same. I have one loving Father that has been directing every step of my walk along the road. I want to know Jesus more this year..to catch a glimpse of the real Jesus working in my hard heart has been amazing..it is for sure that the season of change into the new year is an exciting time for us all. To know you is to want to know you more..Casting Crowns.:)
"Maybe you we're made Queen for such a time as this" Esther 4:14. I LOVE this verse. Esther became a woman with a courgeous heart, full of courage, compassion and beauty. Esther sought to be like her Jesus. And this is what I want to do this year. 2011 broke my heart in so many different ways. I'm still seeking to love like Jesus did, to care like he did, to be the friend that He was and still is. I love the fact that I'm seeing and learning about the girl that Jesus wants me to be. I'm still seeking to have His love radiate out of my heart..and only the love of Jesus becoming real in my life can make me truly beautiful. Beauty is knowing Him and loving Him with all our heart, soul and strength. "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all..a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31..what a babe!
God has never ceased to test me in 2011. He has never ceased to strengthen me. Fail me. Amaze me. Love me. And He's never failed to just accept me for who I am. Though I often lost sight of His everlasting arms throughout the hard times, He was there always. He was gently whispering to me to come home running. Jesus was the only answer. He alone can fulfill and satisfy the desires of my heart. I have absolutely loved every minute of university. I have loved the new friendships, the place, Belfast, the banter and the people. But I have found my class hard. My friend once told me that if "God brings you to it, He will bring you through it." Yes, I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and holds my hand. God had every tiny step in upper sixth planned and pathed out perfectly for me. What it really means is just to give everything to the King. Just lay it all down at the foot of the cross. What a King. He is good, and he is all knowing. What a friend :)
Thanks you for being who you are Jesus. Thank you for being Lord of my life. Thank you for another year of getting to know the real YOU. Thank you for being high and lifted up in my heart, in my life and in my walk. Thank you for that great price you paid. Go before us in 2012.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Reflecting on summer 2011..:)
"I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me.." Ps. 86:12-13
Wow. What a verse, and what a God. The God of summer time is the God of my hopes, my ambitions and the dreams that I had for July and August. I dreamt big, but God was bigger. I stumbled and doubted his provision, but He was the provider. I prayed, and He opened His hand. He's the father of my heart, and He has so evidently broken it for His kingdom. Not because of anything I've done, but because of His steadfast love and faithfulness. And as my thoughts come tumbling out, I realise that words aren't sufficient to reflect on how good God has been towards me this summer. Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words. That's what fools do. Time spent alone in His presence allows us to be humbled, and Jesus to be exalted. So, I'm just going to share a tiny bit of what I've been learning this summer.:)
The aspect of giving this summer has been so rewarding!! I've learnt more than I ever expected I would, and have fallen more wildly in love with Jesus than I ever dared to dream I would. I've realised the foolishness of trying to find fulfillment outside of Him. I desire now to love God in total surrender. Fixing my eyes on Him for everything that I need, and witnessing the beauty of walking in genuine intimacy with our Father, and our bestest friend. 'Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did' (1John 2:6) I'm still a loooong way off of giving Jesus my whole heart, but I yearn to open up my eyes to the things unseen, and see the hope that Jesus brings.
Hope. So many of us are hopeless. And that's what I saw in an estate in Ballycastle. Alongside the three main streams that ran for the kids, there was a detatched team. We we're also called the gorgeous club!;) Basically, we went out into the estates in the afternoon and evenings and got to know the kids that we're hanging about. This was up and down the whole week. So, on monday afternoon, we set off. Excited but nervous. And we came down with a thud. It was raining, there was no kids about, and we we're disheartened. So we prayed. We prayed for practical things like good weather and kids. And guess what?! The next day, the sun was shining and there was a crowd of children! wow. Amy Todd and I we're pumped!:D So, that evening, we set off into the evening estate. It was really hard. They are hopeless in there. They just don't want to know. And they don't care. And that was hard. But God is the God of Ballycastle, and greater things are yet to come. Ballycastle CSSM was incredible. Jeff Gawn said on the friday night that he was 'excited. As people begain to contact me asking about CSSM, I was getting excited.' It's exciting that people want to know more. We need to stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all. We prayed big, and God answered. So many of us are just looking for an answer. We're looking for that hope. When I was fifteen, I found that answer, and my days have never been the same:) Yes, it defintley hasn't been easy following Jesus. I've been hurt, and have often wondered God's love and plan for me. The lyrics of 'Come home running' summarise my thoughts of how God delivered to our cry of prayer. Our prayer that kids would ask Jesus into their hearts and gave their lives to Him.
'Oh heart of mine, come back home. You've been too long out on your own, and He's been there all along, watching for you down the road..
...So come home running, His arms are open wide. His name is Jesus, He understands. He is the answer, you are looking for. So come home running, just as you are.'
Enniskillen 360 was another week that just blew me away. 360 consits of three streams-dance,sport and art, and we also went into the estates and had a teen drop-in at two:42 at night time. Yet again, that week I learnt that the key to loving Jesus we're wet eyes, bent knees and a broken heart. In Art, we got to meet Rebecca. She's great. Philip Irons and Cherith Mckeown spent a lot of time with her. They we're humbled. So often we take for granted the fact that we can step up onto a pavement. Rebecca can't. God was the centre of 360 Art, and He placed Rebecca into our pathway to show us that when life knocks us down, and we're overwhelmed with whats going on..we're in a perfect position to pray. At 360, I had a great small group. They we're amazing girls! They taught me more then I could have asked for. One day, we we're writing our own psalms. I quote one girl's brilliant illustration! 'God's love is like a boomarang. You throw him away so many times, but His love keeps coming back.' wow. In the Chanterhill estate, we had one amazing night, when the kids we're just quiet and still as they listened to Rachel Stewart's story. We prayed that God would move in Enniskillen, and He did, and He still is.:)
This is just a glimpse of what God can do. Prayer has been answered. I've just woken up this summer. I've decided that I'm going to take my eyes off Caesar Augustus and I'm going to have room for the King..(see Luke ch 2!) I've woken up to the true meaning of striving to relfect the beauty of Jesus. I just want to be a Proverbs 31 girl. This girl is AMAZING!! She is 'far more precious than jewels..she opens her hand to the poor..strength and dignity are her clothing..she opens her mouth with wisdom, adn the teaching of kindness if on her tongue.':)
And as I embark on starting university, I'm excited!! And I'm apprehensive. I'm nervous about what the course holds, the people, the place and the opportunities. I trust that God has amazing things to teach me in Jordanstown. He's put me there for a reason, and I pray that He will be my everything. The God who hears my prayer, fears and hopes for Jordanstown, will answer. I ask that he will keep on breaking my heart at uni, and that he'll place more amazing people into my pathway. One night, not so long ago, Judith McLean told me that she absolutely loved John 15. 'If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.'
So I thank God for an incredible two months of learning and growing. I seek to learn more and fall more in love with Jesus as I start a new season of my life and walk.:)
Wow. What a verse, and what a God. The God of summer time is the God of my hopes, my ambitions and the dreams that I had for July and August. I dreamt big, but God was bigger. I stumbled and doubted his provision, but He was the provider. I prayed, and He opened His hand. He's the father of my heart, and He has so evidently broken it for His kingdom. Not because of anything I've done, but because of His steadfast love and faithfulness. And as my thoughts come tumbling out, I realise that words aren't sufficient to reflect on how good God has been towards me this summer. Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words. That's what fools do. Time spent alone in His presence allows us to be humbled, and Jesus to be exalted. So, I'm just going to share a tiny bit of what I've been learning this summer.:)
The aspect of giving this summer has been so rewarding!! I've learnt more than I ever expected I would, and have fallen more wildly in love with Jesus than I ever dared to dream I would. I've realised the foolishness of trying to find fulfillment outside of Him. I desire now to love God in total surrender. Fixing my eyes on Him for everything that I need, and witnessing the beauty of walking in genuine intimacy with our Father, and our bestest friend. 'Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did' (1John 2:6) I'm still a loooong way off of giving Jesus my whole heart, but I yearn to open up my eyes to the things unseen, and see the hope that Jesus brings.
Hope. So many of us are hopeless. And that's what I saw in an estate in Ballycastle. Alongside the three main streams that ran for the kids, there was a detatched team. We we're also called the gorgeous club!;) Basically, we went out into the estates in the afternoon and evenings and got to know the kids that we're hanging about. This was up and down the whole week. So, on monday afternoon, we set off. Excited but nervous. And we came down with a thud. It was raining, there was no kids about, and we we're disheartened. So we prayed. We prayed for practical things like good weather and kids. And guess what?! The next day, the sun was shining and there was a crowd of children! wow. Amy Todd and I we're pumped!:D So, that evening, we set off into the evening estate. It was really hard. They are hopeless in there. They just don't want to know. And they don't care. And that was hard. But God is the God of Ballycastle, and greater things are yet to come. Ballycastle CSSM was incredible. Jeff Gawn said on the friday night that he was 'excited. As people begain to contact me asking about CSSM, I was getting excited.' It's exciting that people want to know more. We need to stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all. We prayed big, and God answered. So many of us are just looking for an answer. We're looking for that hope. When I was fifteen, I found that answer, and my days have never been the same:) Yes, it defintley hasn't been easy following Jesus. I've been hurt, and have often wondered God's love and plan for me. The lyrics of 'Come home running' summarise my thoughts of how God delivered to our cry of prayer. Our prayer that kids would ask Jesus into their hearts and gave their lives to Him.
'Oh heart of mine, come back home. You've been too long out on your own, and He's been there all along, watching for you down the road..
...So come home running, His arms are open wide. His name is Jesus, He understands. He is the answer, you are looking for. So come home running, just as you are.'
Enniskillen 360 was another week that just blew me away. 360 consits of three streams-dance,sport and art, and we also went into the estates and had a teen drop-in at two:42 at night time. Yet again, that week I learnt that the key to loving Jesus we're wet eyes, bent knees and a broken heart. In Art, we got to meet Rebecca. She's great. Philip Irons and Cherith Mckeown spent a lot of time with her. They we're humbled. So often we take for granted the fact that we can step up onto a pavement. Rebecca can't. God was the centre of 360 Art, and He placed Rebecca into our pathway to show us that when life knocks us down, and we're overwhelmed with whats going on..we're in a perfect position to pray. At 360, I had a great small group. They we're amazing girls! They taught me more then I could have asked for. One day, we we're writing our own psalms. I quote one girl's brilliant illustration! 'God's love is like a boomarang. You throw him away so many times, but His love keeps coming back.' wow. In the Chanterhill estate, we had one amazing night, when the kids we're just quiet and still as they listened to Rachel Stewart's story. We prayed that God would move in Enniskillen, and He did, and He still is.:)
This is just a glimpse of what God can do. Prayer has been answered. I've just woken up this summer. I've decided that I'm going to take my eyes off Caesar Augustus and I'm going to have room for the King..(see Luke ch 2!) I've woken up to the true meaning of striving to relfect the beauty of Jesus. I just want to be a Proverbs 31 girl. This girl is AMAZING!! She is 'far more precious than jewels..she opens her hand to the poor..strength and dignity are her clothing..she opens her mouth with wisdom, adn the teaching of kindness if on her tongue.':)
And as I embark on starting university, I'm excited!! And I'm apprehensive. I'm nervous about what the course holds, the people, the place and the opportunities. I trust that God has amazing things to teach me in Jordanstown. He's put me there for a reason, and I pray that He will be my everything. The God who hears my prayer, fears and hopes for Jordanstown, will answer. I ask that he will keep on breaking my heart at uni, and that he'll place more amazing people into my pathway. One night, not so long ago, Judith McLean told me that she absolutely loved John 15. 'If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.'
So I thank God for an incredible two months of learning and growing. I seek to learn more and fall more in love with Jesus as I start a new season of my life and walk.:)
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Embarking on summer '11 lovin'...:)
"Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable" Ps 145:3
The eagerly anticipated Summer 2011 has arrived! F. Scott Fitzgerald says: "I had the familiar conviction that summer was beginning all over again".:) After a long and a tough exam season, I cannot but help but be super enthuastic about what these two months of freedom will bring. God has been so good, so great, that I cannot comprehend His faithfulness towards me. Summer is the season of laughter, ice cream, memories, road trips, Northern Irish 'sun', friends and most importantly, learning more about God's amazing and endless characteristics as I seek to serve Him. Whether it is through a conversation with a stubborn twelve year old, a crowded tent at New Horizon, a catch-up with friends over a cup of tea or through the merry laugh and smile of a small child at CSSM, I want to have my heart broke for His Kingdom. I want the pieces of my heart to be used as shattered pieces of grace-to build me into a disciple!
This summer, I yearn to catch a glimpse of what it truly means to know my Father with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I guess it's time to shake off the 'cobwebs' of the dusty routine of knowing about God, but not actually knowing Him in my heart. It's time to listen this summer to His whispers in the frenzy. To sit in His presence, to dwell more in His word. To serve Him to show other people of the hope that He brings.
This is my hope and heart desire for Summer 2011. As Mark Hawthorne wisely said at the Benone CSSM team meeting; "You can only bring people to meet Jesus as far are you have met Him." This is so true as I plan and prepare for the journey that July will bring. All glory goes to God! Will He strip away our pride as we serve Him. Let's stand speechless in wonder at the majesty of our Saviour this summer, sing of his love, and of that great price He paid. Let's be set apart in complete and utter devotion to our God. To follow Him, to be confident in the tasks that we will face, and to possess a truly authentic beauty that flows within.
What a priviledge to be His child. What a priviledge to serve Him this summer. What a great and mighty Father.
Angus Buchan provides some wise words on my hopes for being stretched out of the comfort zone this summer;
"We need 'faith like potatoes'-plain, simple real faith that will sustain us in our everyday lived. That's the kind of faith I want. When we have faith and act on it, God will come through for us, no matter what our circumstances. He is risen. He is KING!"
Let's give our lives to love and follow Him this summer. Surrender our ambitions and plans into His hand...
"Praise the name of the Lord, for HIs name alone is exalted; His majesty is abover earth and heaven."-Ps. 148:13
The eagerly anticipated Summer 2011 has arrived! F. Scott Fitzgerald says: "I had the familiar conviction that summer was beginning all over again".:) After a long and a tough exam season, I cannot but help but be super enthuastic about what these two months of freedom will bring. God has been so good, so great, that I cannot comprehend His faithfulness towards me. Summer is the season of laughter, ice cream, memories, road trips, Northern Irish 'sun', friends and most importantly, learning more about God's amazing and endless characteristics as I seek to serve Him. Whether it is through a conversation with a stubborn twelve year old, a crowded tent at New Horizon, a catch-up with friends over a cup of tea or through the merry laugh and smile of a small child at CSSM, I want to have my heart broke for His Kingdom. I want the pieces of my heart to be used as shattered pieces of grace-to build me into a disciple!
This summer, I yearn to catch a glimpse of what it truly means to know my Father with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I guess it's time to shake off the 'cobwebs' of the dusty routine of knowing about God, but not actually knowing Him in my heart. It's time to listen this summer to His whispers in the frenzy. To sit in His presence, to dwell more in His word. To serve Him to show other people of the hope that He brings.
This is my hope and heart desire for Summer 2011. As Mark Hawthorne wisely said at the Benone CSSM team meeting; "You can only bring people to meet Jesus as far are you have met Him." This is so true as I plan and prepare for the journey that July will bring. All glory goes to God! Will He strip away our pride as we serve Him. Let's stand speechless in wonder at the majesty of our Saviour this summer, sing of his love, and of that great price He paid. Let's be set apart in complete and utter devotion to our God. To follow Him, to be confident in the tasks that we will face, and to possess a truly authentic beauty that flows within.
What a priviledge to be His child. What a priviledge to serve Him this summer. What a great and mighty Father.
Angus Buchan provides some wise words on my hopes for being stretched out of the comfort zone this summer;
"We need 'faith like potatoes'-plain, simple real faith that will sustain us in our everyday lived. That's the kind of faith I want. When we have faith and act on it, God will come through for us, no matter what our circumstances. He is risen. He is KING!"
Let's give our lives to love and follow Him this summer. Surrender our ambitions and plans into His hand...
"Praise the name of the Lord, for HIs name alone is exalted; His majesty is abover earth and heaven."-Ps. 148:13
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